[CONTENT NOTE: casual ableism]
Our troll story today begins as they almost always do: with an unprompted comment on an oooooold post. Behold my Facebook status from November 10, 2016:
Iris Vander Pluym
November 10, 2016
JUST TO BE CRYSTAL CLEAR: If you voted for Donald Trump, or you live in a swing state and voted for a third party candidate or declined to vote entirely, UNFRIEND ME. You are now and always will be dead to me.
Now I thought I was being clear and fair. Kind, even, if not particularly nice. I felt that not only was I was doing a service to myself and my own online spaces, but to those who would interact with me, or decide not to. I then went ahead and proactively blocked some people, and apparently I did a pretty good job since only one Trump voter slipped by:
[Former IRL “friend”] Really
Iris Is a dead person trying to communicate with me? No, that cannot be. I don’t believe in ghosts. (Unfriended/blocked)
Oh, wait no. NOT the end. Eight months later:
I go off the grid for a little R&R, and I return to this? White supremacist terrorism and imminent nuclear war? I mean, I can barely even walk on land yet without my snorkel flippers attached to my feet and my butt cheeks are still painfully sunburned (don’t ask). JFC.
My partner and I have not had a real break in a loooong time, so we’re headed where the WIFI may be spotty (I may or may not post anything for a week or so), but the rum cocktails will be abundant. It will be glorious! Unless the fucking squirrels show up and RUIN EVERYTHING, of course. So if you kind people could just keep them distracted for a minute while I make my getaway, I would really appreciate it.
The Indianapolis Star reports:
Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis is warning about hostile and possibly disease-ridden squirrels.
“Recently, there have been reports of aggressive squirrels around the IUPUI campus,” IUPUI wrote in a Campus Life blog post July 25. “Squirrels may look cute, and they are fun to watch scampering about, but they should not be treated as pets.”
Good luck with that message, IUPUI. I’ve been desperately imploring my own mother for ten years to stop feeding the disgusting monsters, but she will. not. quit. (Then again, I’ve also been telling her I’m a fucking adult for at least twice that long, and she doesn’t accept that either. So.)
Squirrels are known to carry diseases, including rabies, salmonella and even plague, the university said. IUPUI advised students and workers to stop feeding the furry menaces.
I was terribly concerned about a dearth of fantastic blog fodder should the Mooch get the old heave-ho from the White Supremacist House. It turns out that I needn’t have worried.
Washington Post (via email):
Secret Service vacates Trump Tower command post in lease dispute with president’s company
The Secret Service has relocated its command post to a trailer on the sidewalk outside Trump Tower after a lease dispute with the Trump Organization. That means supervisors and agents have moved from one floor below the president’s apartment to more than 50 floors below.
There’s more if you’re interested in reading it. I find that unnecessary.
White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci
(image: Yuri Gripas/Reuters)
So Ryan Lizza, a Big Willie reporter at The New Yorker, received a phone call last Wednesday night from our fancy new White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci. Naturally Lizza wrote all about it, and it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen since…since…well, since Friday’s news feed.
You all know I’m terrible already. But in my defense, I cannot be held responsible if my news feed is funnier than any late night comedy show. #sorrynotsorry Continue reading
Survivor of multiple violent murder attempts by enemy rodent menace.
(image: ABC-7 New York)
The 7-year old victim of multiple bite wounds from an unprovoked squirrel attack on Wednesday in Brooklyn has spoken to ABC-7 New York about her horrifying ordeal. Readers may recall from my post the other day that she is being subjected to a course of rabies treatment as a precaution, and was seriously traumatized by the relentless assault. “She is not OK,” her father Andres said. “Every night, she’s crying and scared. ‘Please papi, help me, the squirrel is coming, a big one.'”
Now, adorable little Maria Guerrero and her father have added more disturbing details to the terrifying tale:
[CONTENT NOTE: graphic image of squirrel bite injuries]
And here I was thinking I could enjoy a lazy, relaxing Sunday morning but nooooooo. As soon as I fired up my laptop this was the first thing I saw in my feed:
Prospect Park ‘aggressive’ squirrel attacks spark concerns of rabies exposure
At least five people were attacked by an “unusually aggressive” squirrel in Prospect Park, and the Health Department is urging anyone who’s recently been bitten to seek medical attention for potential rabies exposure.
Once upon a time, I ran kicking and screaming from the Philly ‘burbs to New York City. Once I got here, I felt like a kid in a candy store. A really fucking great candy store. One that has fantastic toys too. (Also: shoes.) There were, and still are, too many charms and treats to enumerate in a blog post, but a New York summer street fair is definitely near the top of that list.
Some street fairs have specific themes (like food, or art) but my favorites are the more eclectic affairs that feature local artisans and collectors. Sometimes the artisans run the booths, tents and kiosks themselves, and engage potential customers in interesting conversations about their work. It’s like shopping at the ultimate Anti-Mall: there is little on offer here that one can find in a retail chain store. (I often start my winter holiday shopping in July at city street fairs.)
I unexpectedly stumbled into a street fair in my neighborhood on Saturday afternoon. I had very little time, so unfortunately I could only walk about half the length of it. But I wanted to try and capture the experience in photos. For you.
between 11th and Bank Streets
July 15, 2017
[NOTE: any unobscured face visible in this post is published with the express permission of said face’s owner. All rights reserved.]