You all know I’m terrible already. But in my defense, I cannot be held responsible if my news feed is funnier than any late night comedy show. #sorrynotsorry
A protester asked Jared Kushner to sign his Russian flag:
P.S. The d00d on Kushner’s left is rock star lawyer Abbe Lowell, for whom I had the pleasure of working at not one but two law firms. I keep his private cell phone number handy at all times for when I get arrested. Due to conflicts of interest he probably wouldn’t be able to take my case though: if I’m going to get arrested it’ll almost certainly be for mooning one of his clients.
With the exception of the late, great Abraham Lincoln, I can be more presidential than any president who has ever held this office.
-Donald Trump at a rally in Youngstown, Ohio.
Abe is not amused.
But I am!
OMG this fuckin’ d00d:
White House communications director
FYI Mooch: The Sopranos has been off the air for ten years…!!!
Ooh! Look at our tax dollars at work!
The top U.S. oversight official in Afghanistan said Tuesday he has launched a criminal probe into why the Pentagon may have wasted up to $28 million on pricey forest-camouflage uniforms for Afghan troops who operate in a largely desert environment.
Frankly I don’t really see the problem here. Woodland prints are waaaaay more fashionable.
The [Government Accountability Office] created a fictitious law enforcement agency – complete with a fake website and a bogus address that traced back to an empty lot – and applied for military-grade equipment from the Department of Defense.
And in less than a week, they got it.
A GAO report issued this week says the agency’s faux cops were able to obtain $1.2 million worth of military gear, including night-vision goggles, simulated M-16A2 rifles and pipe bomb equipment from the Defense Department’s 1033 program, which supplies state and local law enforcement with excess materiel.
“They never did any verification, like visit our ‘location,’ and most of it was by email,” said Zina Merritt, director of the GAO’s defense capabilities and management team, which ran the operation. “It was like getting stuff off of eBay.”
You guys, we should totally grab some of that sweet, sweet military surplus weaponry for the, uh, “Perry Street Palace Police Department!” We can all get free Humvees! Also available: armored trucks, sniper rifles, tear-gas bombs, grenades, scuba-diving gear and even marching-band instruments! I ask you: what could possibly be a more awesome sight than all of us driving around in Humvees with tubas mounted to gun turrets?
Oh, and PSPPD uniforms will be woodland prints OBVIOUSLY.
Have a nice day.