I will have a personal teleportation device very, very soon.

The first object has been teleported by Chinese researchers from the Gobi desert to an orbiting satellite 500 kilometers above the Earth. The teleported object was a “photon”—which, from what I understand about particle physics (nothing), is not the same thing as a “live human being.” But obviously that technical detail only presents a minor obstacle, one that will undoubtedly be overcome in short order.

The way teleportation works is this: quantum entanglement something something replicating information in space blah blah blah WHATEVER. The important thing to note here is that I have already developed not one but two Sooper Seekrit lists: one of all the places to which I will soon be teleporting myself, and another of all the people I will soon be teleporting to satellites orbiting the Earth.

Needless to say, the squirrels will be joining them.

6 thoughts on “I will have a personal teleportation device very, very soon.

  1. Good luck with your teleporting travels. Just check first and make sure there’s no other travelers in the capsule. Particularly flies! 😊

  2. Hmmm. I’m afraid that at only 92.96 million miles away, our sun is not nearly far enough. After all to hear them tell it, they can just use their bootstraps to pull themselves up out of anything. Sending them into to a sun in another galaxy, however, might at least slow down their return.

  3. We all reading from the same script? My comment the other day about checking to see that you’re the only life form traveling was a reference to what happened to first, Vincent Price then to Jeff Goldblum in those two Oscar worth movies, The Fly!

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