Welcome to the Abattoir, eight terrible Florida state reps!

[CONTENT NOTE: extreme hostility to consent, human rights abuses.]

Florida’s House Bill 0865 would criminalize virtually all abortions in the state, making it a a first-degree felony to perform an abortion or operate a clinic where they are performed. The penalty for respecting the human rights of anyone who does not wish to be pregnant? Up to 30 years in prison.

The “Florida for Life [sic] Act” prohibits:

  • induced abortions
  • operation of a facility for the purpose of providing abortions
  • any termination of pregnancy unless specified conditions are met
  • the use of state & federal funds for state health insurance exchanges that provide coverage for abortions

As a perfect illustration of the bill sponsors’ utter contempt for agency, autonomy and consent, the bill gets rid of all those pesky exemptions for victims of rape, incest, domestic violence and human trafficking from being forced to view their ultrasounds.

All of this is pretty standard wish-list fare for professional misogynists like the bill’s sponsors. But if you read the bill (pdf) you will find some truly remarkable statements—and of course I duly intend to remark thereupon. For instance:

390.0001 Legislative findings regarding abortion.

(1) The Legislature acknowledges that all persons are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, and that first among these is their right to life.

Well, that’s not so bad, I guess. Presumably the bill’s sponsor, Rep. Charles Van Zant, and whatever Creator Goddess to which he refers here, understand that this is not a person:


Human embryo at 9 weeks clinical gestation. (Optical Topography)
Actual size = approx. 2.3 cm.
Three quarters of all U.S. abortions are performed by 9 weeks.

And by extension, neither is this a person:

blastocystday5Human blastocyst, day 5.
(not actual size!)

I mean, that would just be fucking silly.


Mawu, West African creator goddess. Mawu created people—so she knows one when she sees one.
(image: Tarot card by Doreen Virtue, Hay House 2004)


(2) The Legislature finds that all human life comes from the Creator, has an inherent value that cannot be quantified by man, and begins at the earliest biological development of a fertilized human egg.

Well, no. See, the Creator Goddess herself personally aborts about 50% of all fertilized human eggs. From this fact we can conclude that fertilized eggs do not have very much inherent value, if they have any at all. As in: they’re not even worth a dime a dozen, as untold millions upon millions of them are aborted every single day. Further, this is the exact same Florida legislature that blocked the state’s Medicaid expansion, leaving at least 1.3 million Floridians without health insurance. We can certainly conclude from this fact that human life does not have much inherent value, at least not to the majority of Florida’s lawmakers. Legislative finding (2) must be a misprint. OBVIOUSLY.


Adi Shakti, Hindu deity of ultimate energy, creator, preserver and destroyer of the universe, who loves abortions.
(digital art by Snehilsharma, licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0)

(3) The Legislature finds that the United States Constitution expresses no qualification for, or limitation on, the protection of human life by laws passed by state legislatures which regard human life as the most fundamental gift from God and deserving of paramount importance among all other unalienable rights expressed or implied in the United States Constitution.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened to the Creator Goddess? Now it’s a god? And no doubt a d00d god at that, ugh. Well, regardless of whether we’re talking about some d00d god or a Creator Goddess, they all obviously loooooove abortions. We can therefore conclude that we should all be having a whole lot more of them! Praise Gaia!


Gaia, Greek goddess: great mother of all, the primal Mother Goddess, creator and giver of birth to the Earth and all the Universe, the heavenly gods, the Titans and the Giants. Also: big fan of abortions.
(Anselm Feuerbach: Gaea (1875). public domain)

(4) The Legislature finds that personal liberty is not a license to kill or otherwise destroy any form of human life under any provision of the United States Constitution.

Wow, we already know they hate hate hate people getting healthcare, but this seems rather extreme even for them, don’t you think? Cancer cells are a form of human life. Diseased organs and arteries are a form of human life. A male infant’s foreskin is a form of human life. So Florida now wants to outlaw chemotherapy, tumor removal, appendectomies, circumcisions, plastic surgery, laser hair removal—hell, even getting moles and warts taken off is a big no-no! I’m not 100% sure about tattoo removal; does that technology destroy human life, too?

(5) The Legislature finds that once human life begins, there is a compelling state interest in protecting its development from that moment through birth.

After birth, though, not so much. Seems to me the state has its “compelling interests” exactly backwards. Get your compelling interests together, state! Jeezus!


Nüwa (Chinese: 女媧), also known as Nügua, ancient Chinese goddess who created humankind…and loves abortions.
(image: provenance unknown; Google reverse image search not dispositive)

Finding (5) continues:

Any act of a person detrimental to unborn human life, when not necessary in defense of the life of the mother bearing such unborn human life, which unnaturally terminates that unborn human life is a deprivation of that unborn human’s unalienable right to life.

Uh-oh. Just what we need: more investigations and prosecutions of pregnant women for pregnancy outcomes that Florida legislators and prosecutors don’t like. What this means in practice is that if you are pregnant and fall down the stairs, you can be arrested for “attempted fetal homicide.” If you foolishly miscarry at home, you can be charged with “fetal murder of an unborn child” and “neglect of a dependent” and be sentenced to 46 years in prison—even though, if your uncooperative body had only expelled that same extremely premature fetus at a hospital, you could have legally declined neonatal care and resuscitation. You can also be forced to undergo a Cesarean section against your will, even when everyone’s fairly sure this will very likely kill you. And then it does. (Nothing new here.) You can refuse to sign a preauthorization for a C-section (and end up not needing one), and then be charged with child endangerment and lose custody of your baby. And if a pregnant woman uses drugs—even legally prescribed drugs, even drugs not known to have any effect on fetal health, even if she is currently in treatment for substance abuse, even if she is trying to fucking kill herself and accidentally survives—and she miscarries, she gets prosecuted for murder. Or worse(?) “depraved heart murder.” On the other hand, if the fetus survives, she only gets prosecuted for criminal “child” abuse, or perhaps “chemical endangerment.” Or maybe just plain old criminal assault.

All of this is pretty obviously “detrimental” to actual human life, but there you go.

And needless to say, impoverished walking incubators and incubators of color are, as usual, disproportionately mistreated:

Journal of Health Politics, Policy and Law’s 2013 study on arrests and forced interventions on pregnant women in the U.S. found that approximately 71 percent were low-income women and 59 percent were women of color.

As Loyal Readers™ well know, it is our sincerely held belief that for those who feel so very strongly about forcing other people to donate lifesaving organs without their consent, it is only right and fair that they live by this principle themselves. Florida State Representatives Charles Van Zant and HB 0865 “co-introducers” Larry Ahern, Dane Eagle, Matt Gaetz, James Grant, Keith Perry, Jimmie Smith and Jennifer Sullivan are hereby formally abducted inducted into the Palace Abattoir, where they shall remain involuntary organ donors for a period of…oh, let’s say 30 years.

Isn’t Your Humble Monarch™ so magnanimous and merciful? That’s less time than Purvi Patel’s prison sentence for having a miscarriage.


New Palace Abattoir denizens and involuntary organ donors (clockwise from top left) Florida State Reps. Charles Van Zant, Larry Ahern, Dane Eagle, Matt Gaetz, Jennifer Sullivan, Jimmie Smith, Keith Perry and James Grant.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized by Iris Vander Pluym. Bookmark the permalink.

About Iris Vander Pluym

Iris Vander Pluym is an artist and activist in NYC (West Village), and an unapologetic, godless, feminist lefty. Raised to believe Nice Girls™ do not discuss politics, sex or religion, it turns out those are pretty much the only topics she ever wants to talk about.

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