Meet Admiral I. M. Fun.

Loyal Reader™, are you presently drinking a beverage? Do yourself a favor and put it down before reading this (unless it’s a shot of course in which case just do it already):

Admiral reprimanded for drunken, naked escapade at Florida hotel
Craig Whitlock, The Washington Post


Rear Adm. David F. Baucom, the director of strategy and policy at the U.S. Transportation Command, became so intoxicated at an upscale beachfront resort in April that he struck his head on a barstool, wet his pants and needed an escort back to his room, according to an investigative report by the Naval Inspector General.

A few hours later, still in a haze, Baucom re-emerged from his room without any clothes on — as his door automatically locked behind him, the report states.

As the admiral stumbled around the grounds of the Ponte Vedra Inn and Club desperately looking for a towel to wrap around his waist, he was spotted by two alarmed female guests who reported him to hotel security.

It’s okay, Admiral—we’ve all been there, amirite? But for the life of me I cannot understand why these two guests alerted security instead of taking cell phone video, because that shit right there? That is hilarious.

Although Baucom said there was much he didn’t remember about his actions that night, he clearly recalled why he wasn’t wearing any clothes.

He had failed to pack his pajamas because he was concerned about the weight of his luggage and “did not want to pay the extra $25 for a 2nd bag,” according to an email he sent a colleague a few days later.

“Lesson learned,” he concluded. “I’ll pack my PJs next time.”

GOOD CALL ADMIRAL. May “pack your PJs” be an important life lesson for all of us thanks to your example.

Here’s how the Admiral’s tail tale ends…

After a disciplinary hearing, the Navy found Baucom guilty of disorderly conduct and conduct unbecoming an officer. He has since been transferred from his post at U.S. Transportation Command and reassigned to the Pentagon, Navy officials said.

…Or does it?

The Palace neither confirms nor denies rumors that the escapades of Admiral Baucom were a deliberate ruse and that he is now on investigative assignment for us at the Pentagon.

This entry was posted in humor, the bar by Iris Vander Pluym. Bookmark the permalink.

About Iris Vander Pluym

Iris Vander Pluym is an artist and activist in NYC (West Village), and an unapologetic, godless, feminist lefty. Raised to believe Nice Girls™ do not discuss politics, sex or religion, it turns out those are pretty much the only topics she ever wants to talk about.

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