[CONTENT NOTE: badly executed violent imagery of dead squirrels.]

Since we last discussed the terrorist menace that is the bubonic plague-infested rodent Sciuridae, two alarming developments have occurred.

1. After a flea bite during a hunting trip in Crook County, Oregon, a 16-year-old girl has been diagnosed with bubonic plague and is now hospitalized in intensive care. No word on whether she was hunting squirrels—in which case she deserves a Major Award™ for taking one for the team. But as the article notes, people catch bubonic plague from fleas that jump from plagueinfected squirrels. It also goes on to say:

Fifteen other human cases of the plague have been reported in the United States this year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Four of the patients died.

2. My mother’s neighbors informed me that they had to eradicate a squirrel infestation from inside the walls of their house. This lovely couple has been beautifully renovating a historic home a block away from my mom’s, and a hundred feet from the property of a douche who maintains giant squirrel feeders in his back yard. I didn’t mention that my own mother(!) feeds squirrels too, but in a small town like that one everyone probably knows anyway. (And no, there is no reasoning with her about the goddamn squirrels—or about anything else, for that matter.) Because he is obviously woefully uninformed about the imminent threat posed by these ghastly little monsters, the guy captured his rodents with non-lethal Havahart traps, and then released them (!!!) in a field on the other side of a wide waterway. His wife, however, said she would have much preferred that he decapitate them, and then impale their heads on the spikes atop Squirrel Feeder Douche’s wrought iron fencing.

I fucking this woman.

squirrelfenceProposed exterior decor in front of YOU KNOW WHO’s house.

Anyway, if you want to wear a really scary costume tonight, dress up as a squirrel.

Happy Halloween.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s