Go home America, you’re drunk.

This short AP article really has to be read to be believed—and no, it’s really not The Onion:

Tennessee school district runs out of money, cancels school

CELINA, TN (AP) – A small, financially struggling school district in northern Tennessee has canceled classes until officials can find a way to generate more revenue.

I had to read that twice to get it to sink in, because are you fucking kidding me.

Clay County Director of Schools Jerry Strong said the school board made the decision Thursday night after struggling with budget concerns for three years. He said the district doesn’t have enough revenue to pay for partially unfunded mandates from the state.

Ooooh, let me guess: a bunch of right-wing berserkers at every level of government have all failed these kids. So hard.

Strong said the county commission, which funds the schools, has declined to increase property taxes and a proposed wheel tax referendum vote won’t take place until March.

“It’s true that we haven’t been able to figure out how solve this problem for three years, but maybe we’ll eventually figure out how to solve it…NEXT MARCH. Fingers crossed!”

Strong said school administrators plan to meet with county officials in an effort to resolve the problem.

Yeah, somehow I just don’t see this happening, because they are the problem. Unless of course they all plan to resign.

Hahaha. As if.

He said he hopes classes for the 1,150 students in the district will resume sometime in November.

“Or, you know, maybe we can solve this problem some time in November? If we all just pray hard enough, Tinker Bell will come back to life the conservative money fairy will shit hundred dollar bills from the sky all over Clay County Tennessee!”

Copyright 2015 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Ooops. Wait, isn’t a children’s rights emergency a “fair use” copyright exception? Because this article needs to be published, broadcast, rewritten and redistributed far and wide.

While I’m calculating the damages I could incur for informing my Many Tens of Loyal Readers™ of this absolutely unconscionable atrocity occurring in the 21st century United States, consider the 1,150 kids in an impoverished school district who, in addition to being denied education, now need childcare and supervision while the “adults” who cannot run a school district figure out how to educate them.

palacefuckyouFUCK YOU, CONSERVATIVES.

tennesee2014Tennessee Governor’s race, 2014 election returns.
= Democratic
= Republican

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