Rock bottom cookies.

[CN: sexual assault “humor” as branding.]

So I saw this sign on the counter of a concession stand at a movie theater in Chelsea today. (I saw The Martian, by the way, which was freaking awesome. !) Now, it is true that I am one of those notorious Humorless Feminists™ you have undoubtedly heard a lot about, so you might want to keep this very important fact in mind here. But…

WHAT THE ACTUAL F*UCKING F*UCK IS THIS?

sweetbottomcookie

“Grabba Sweet Bottom ;D”? That’s your fucking trademark? May I politely suggest—as someone who has had her “sweet bottom” grabbed without her consent (by MEN of course) on too many occasions to count, much less recount—that these Sweet Bottom Cookie people just go right ahead and fuck themselves, and then go fuck right off? Yeah? Like, right now? Thanks, ever so much.

And I get the sweet bottom/butt joke, I really do. I think it’s boring and infantile and infantilizing, but yes I understand it. And I like butts! I like ogling butts, I like butt sex, I like butt porn, I even like butt jokes! I am a fan of The Butt. But see, when you add grabbing? To sweet bottom? It ceases to be merely uninspired humor, and moves squarely into the realm of rape culture. Butts do not exist for the grabbing, not without the butt owner’s consent. That is sexual assault. And you know what? It is not fucking funny. Girls and women do not need products marketed to them with the message that butt grabbing is normal and fun and funny and not harmful in any way. And believe me, boys and men certainly do not need that message reinforced, either.

Here’s some more clever marketing:

sbc3Oh hahaha! Geddit?

sbc2Freddie Mercury hates you too. Or he would if he were alive

This is who we’re dealing with here, people.

sbc4FUCK YOU, MICHELE LEWIS.

palacefuckyou(Extra FUCK YOU, just for Michele Lewis.)

You can contact this asshole here to inform her that a Humorless Feminist™ has nothing but bottomless (<—hahaha) contempt for her sexual assault “joke” shenanigans.

FYI: Now that Michele Lewis’s Sweet Bottom Cookie company has partnered with Nestlé, I’m sure you can look forward to a sexual assault “joke” on a cookie wrapper coming soon to a convenience store near you!

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