MOAR things I would wish upon my enemies.

Loyal Readers™ will surely recall my post last month about things I would wish upon my enemies. The point of the exercise was that although the original meme was quite good, for the enemies of the Palace and our like-minded subjects disciples worshipers followers it was simply WAAAAAAY too nice. I noted:

There are armies of hateful asshats arrayed against you, right at this very moment, plotting and scheming your demise with glee. If you don’t believe it, well, that is purely a matter of projection on your part, since you cannot imagine yourself being a hateful asshat plotting and scheming a stranger’s demise (much less with glee). And this, my friends, is the liberal’s Achilles heel: we simply cannot believe people could truly harbor such a deep, abiding hatred for us, and sincerely want to see us utterly destroyed. They can, and they do.

It seems to me our enemies’ punishments should fit their crimes, and so I simply wished upon them the horrible things they wish upon us. In many cases, they have actually inflicted these things upon their fellow citizens, or they are trying very, very hard to do so—much like all of the involuntary organ donors residing in the Abattoir.

Speaking of the the involuntary organ donation advocates, it has come to our attention that they have a new tactic: digging through clinic dumpsters in search of patient records…and then claiming that the clinics are violating patient privacy.


The dauntless dumpster divers often trespass on private property and break into locked dumpsters and storage facilities to attempt to obtain patient records. (Forced Birthers, of course, have long been known for caring very deeply about the medical privacy of clinic patients.) And so I wish upon these particular enemies of humanity some very specific afflictions, appropriate to their own actions and intentions—i.e., shutting down clinics that provide excellent health care and preventive screenings for millions of people.

moarthings4enemiesThis should go without saying, but in case it does not: Cheryl Sullenger of Operation Rescue and her merry band of dumpster divers are now all involuntary organ donors happily ensconced in the Palace Abattoir. Or, you know, unhappily. Who gives a shit.

3 thoughts on “MOAR things I would wish upon my enemies.

  1. Iris, my dear – You surely are the only person in America, or elsewhere, who pens and distributes near-dialy scurrilious viitumery of a unfailingly humous and fair-minded nature to tens of followers, loyal and devoted and, I suspect, not-so-loyal or devoted, while offending nobody, not even those justly targeted and rightfully consigned to the abattoir of infamy. Well done, as usual.

  2. Thank you, Don. But your comment has me concerned: if I am not, in fact, offending those justly targeted and rightfully consigned to the abattoir of infamy, perhaps I need to seriously up my game. Or my blog hit count. Or both.

  3. Here is my suggested interpretation of and resolution for any concern that you are failing to offend the “justly targeted and rightfully consigned to the abattoir of infamy.” Rather than attempting to up your game, which could have unintended consequences that denigrate your game, think of the artistry and glory associated with things as they are and consider than any change efforts might well be analogous to a golfer anxious to improve on form that consistently results in hole-in-one drives.

    The fact is delighting friends and tens of loyal fans is more consequential during this life than offending evil-thinkers. As you-know-who said, “Men cannot be reformed by punishment, by degradation or by revenge. The Improved Woman will regard those who violate the laws of nature and the laws of states as victims of conditions, of circumstances and she will do what she can for the well-being of her fellow man and woman.”

    Iris’ response to this comment (sent privately and posted w/permission):

    Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

    My purpose in offending evildoers is not an attempt to reform them; I am of the firm belief that very few of them can be reformed and even fewer still will be. I mock conservatives to marginalize their views: much as open racists are now marginalized, whereas once their views were mainstream and even majority-held. It was not so long ago that Donald Trump’s racist ranting would be considered perfectly acceptable discourse—now the Twitterverse amuses itself every day by mocking him. Racists have not gone anywhere of course, as we can see by Trump’s polling numbers. But the majority now shuns them. They are offered far fewer platforms of the type that tend to legitimize them.

    I want that majority who may be thoughtlessly entertaining conservative views (after all, we are all indoctrinated with them) to become instinctively averse to them, by painting them as hilariously foolish and comically ridiculous. I do it for the benefit of the audience, not in the vain hope that the target might actually gain some insight. If people “get” the joke they’re more likely to come around, if only because nobody wants to be laughed at or made to look like a fool. I want a world where anybody espousing conservative views is likely to be shunned, shamed and shut down. I just don’t see how this happens without offending the worst offenders, deliberately or otherwise.

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