Things I would wish upon my enemies.

A friend on Facebook posted this delightful chart, entitled “Things I would wish upon my enemies.”

gridwishorigWell done, DOGHOUSEDIARIES! Even the occasional occurrence of such plagues is annoying as fuck-all. Now I don’t know anything about these dog house diarists, so I can only guess at who their enemies are. (For all I know, this shit is directed at Your Humble Monarch™ personally.) But I do know exactly who my enemies are.

What’s that, you say? That you, Loyal Reader™—a generous and kind human being, a tax-paying solid citizen, a loving person, a live-and-let-liver—don’t have any enemies to speak of?


You have enemies, whether you think you do or not. It’s true! There are armies of hateful asshats arrayed against you, right at this very moment, plotting and scheming your demise with glee. If you don’t believe it, well, that is purely a matter of projection on your part, since you cannot imagine yourself being a hateful asshat plotting and scheming a stranger’s demise (much less with glee). And this, my friends, is the liberal’s Achilles heel: we simply cannot believe people could truly harbor such a deep, abiding hatred for us, and sincerely want to see us utterly destroyed. They can, and they do.

Taken in that context, all of those things the dog house diarists wished upon their enemies are WAY too nice. (WAAAAAAAAYYYYY.) I have taken the liberty of revising the chart to indicate precisely how I would wish to afflict mine:

gridwishpalaceHave a nice day.

4 thoughts on “Things I would wish upon my enemies.

  1. Iris, md:

    Love the upgraded list of things to wish (or, if possible, consider inflicting upon) for enemies who, as you wisely note, are indeed plotting against us freethinkers and other categories we might fit that incur their wrath, from the highly general (e.g., Westerners) to the more specific (e.g., opinionated bloggers).

    Good cheer. Will send this shortly as “bonus” with today’s freethought.



  2. Thanks for your comment and the signal boost, Don. My wish list is tailored for US conservatives of course, as I see them as the most likely threat, both imminently and long-term. If I were to wish upon jihadis—even though they all share a very similar cognitive landscape to their murderous US counterparts—I would customize the punishments to fit the crimes.

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