Iris the Considerate! Iris the Merciful! Still, no.

My friend (and Palace blogger) Don Ardell forwards me FFRF’s Freethought of the Day e-newsletter every day. Although I am a longtime member of FFRF, for some reason I stopped receiving these daily emails a while ago. So it is always nice to see an email from Don in my inbox every morning, particularly since he often appends a witty and insightful comment, and sometimes additional content for our infotainment. (Don gets up VERY early. It is hardly unusual for him to have run, swum and biked a goddamn mini-triathlon, communicated with multiple correspondents, and produced an entire newsletter before the Palace coffee is even brewing.)

And so it came to pass that Richard Dawkins—unrepentant breaker of Your Humble Monarch™’s heart and involuntary organ donor presently confined to the Palace Abattoir—was featured in the Freethought of the Day missive of March 26, along with several other notables who share the same birthday. On this day, Don’s message to me included a Dawkins pull-quote from the newsletter—and a petition pleading for clemency on behalf of the heartbreaker-donor.

__________

From: Donald Ardell
To: Iris Vander Pluym

Iris my dear:

Would your grace show some mercy and consider a pardon for Mr. Dawkins from the abattoir. Only the Christian god sends people to a place of torment forever and ever – you don’t want to be like Him, do you?

Consider these words – surely he who would produce such mighty words as follows, such freethinking genius, deserves your loving kind mercy:

“My respect for the Abrahamic religions went up in the smoke and choking dust of September 11th. The last vestige of respect for the taboo disappeared as I watched the ‘Day of Prayer’ in Washington Cathedral, where people of mutually incompatible faiths united in homage to the very force that caused the problem in the first place: religion. It is time for people of intellect, as opposed to people of faith, to stand up and say ‘Enough!’ Let our tribute to the dead be a new resolve: to respect people for what they individually think, rather than respect groups for what they were collectively brought up to believe.”
—-“Time to Stand Up,” written for the Freedom From Religion Foundation, Sept. 2001. See Dawkins’s Emperor Has No Clothes Award

__________

From: Iris Vander Pluym
To: Donald Ardell

“Would your grace show some mercy and consider a pardon for Mr. Dawkins from the abattoir.”

Of course! I am nothing if not considerate and merciful! Simply point me to where the good Dr. Dawkins has walked back his egregious affronts to my human rights. Or am I still, in his esteemed view, a fine candidate to be enslaved to a fetus for nine months? Because if so, what you are asking me for is like begging a Jew to pardon Hitler, because hey, he loved animals and by all accounts was exceedingly lovely to his pet dogs. ? Women are dying, right this very moment, because of views like his. IOW, to the Abattoir with him.

“Only the Christian god sends people to a place of torment forever and ever – you don’t want to be like Him, do you?”

No! Don’t be silly! The Dawk will be used for lifesaving organ harvesting purposes only for nine months duration. Unlike the Christian god, we are not monsters here! We aspire only to fairness and justice—which, I’m sure you will agree, are concepts with which the Abrahamic god appears entirely unfamiliar. Unfortunately, Richard Dawkins appears in need of instruction about them as well.

Tell you what: seeing as he’s a friend of yours, I’ll let you sneak him in a coat hanger. Perhaps he can find a way to escape his sentence with the aid of that?

__________

From: Donald Ardell
To: Iris Vander Pluym

Iris, md

Well, when you put it that way, I can see that maybe he is yet unworthy of a pardon.

Perhaps he will reform his ways.

Human frailties being what they are, I have maintained a resistance to any awareness of these qualities of the Great Man. I suppose that reminds some of the happy go lucky neighbors of the camps in Poland, totally unaware, they claimed, of what was going on down the block at the youth camp jamborees, or whatever those places were. “Hey, we were not invited and told to stay back, so we put it all out of mind. And besides, what were we to do, storm the fences, demanding to know all?”

I think about that coat hangar.

Thanks – great response.

Don

__________

From: Iris Vander Pluym
To: Donald Ardell

You’re a good man, Don, to acknowledge a blind spot. We all have them. Unfortunately Dawkins seems utterly incapable of doing this.

Do you mind if I post our correspondence, either anonymously or not?

__________

From: Donald Ardell
To: Iris Vander Pluym

Hello Iris:

Thanks for the nice note. Don’t mind at all. Prefer taking responsibility for my blind spot, as I stand, even now, with Dawkins for the good he’s done and does. So, expose me.

I do it myself, all the time. So, why shouldn’t others. :)

Don

__________

palaceheart

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