Senate Democrats think I’m an idiot. They’re probably right, but not for the reasons they think.

Palace inbox alert: urgent missive!

From: “alert@dscc.org” <info@dscc.org>
Date: December 30, 2014
Subject: your membership (pending)

Iris — Your membership is going to expire at midnight tomorrow, and you only have 36 more hours to renew it for 2015!

Holy $#!+ you guys! I better get right on that. Wait, my membership in what is going to expire? The DSCC? Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’ve got the wrong Iris.

We’re starting at zero after this last election, and in order to bounce back and go on offense we need your urgent help. Senate Republicans are already threatening OUTRAGEOUS votes to roll back abortion rights and repeal Obamacare.

You know what’s outrageous? I will tell you what’s outrageous: using abortion rights to raise funds for Senators Bob Casey (D-PA), Joe Manchin (D-WV) and Joe Donnelly (D-IN)—all of whom are anti-choice. And Obamacare is an obstacle to single payer.  Do I look like a fucking idiot? WAIT DON’T ANSWER THAT.

You can’t wait until later to become a member — it’s critical that you act now.

Oh no! It’s now or never! What to do, what do do… OMG THE PRESSURE!!!

President Obama and Democrats really appreciate all you’re doing to help!

Thanks for your support,
DSCC HQ

Hahaha. Sure.

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What, and miss these emails? Not on your life.

4 thoughts on “Senate Democrats think I’m an idiot. They’re probably right, but not for the reasons they think.

  1. Maybe they’d have better luck of they tossed in a blender if you act quickly. And if you’re really quick, also give a toaster. You pay only for the shipping, which is standard. However, if you upgrade to the Prime Membership, you get FREE shipping. For Super Prime, shipping to your home within an hour!

    • Apparently the entire 2016 election hinges on me sending them the suggested contribution of… three dollars. Otherwise, I lose my membership in their awesome club and all the fantastic benefits I am currently enjoying—such as dozens of insulting emails like this one flooding my inbox, not to mention the entrenchment and expansion of for-profit healthcare—the pride of Democrats.

      I could use a good toaster, tho.

      • souhaitant à tous des dizaines de fidèles lecteurs du palais Perry Street une nouvelle année heureuse et meilleurs voeux pour 2015

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