Political humor.

(NOTE: We have not cite-checked these quotes. But they seem about right.)

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
—Jay Leno

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
—Henry Cate, VII

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.
—Will Rogers

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
—Nikita Khrushchev

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
—Clarence Darrow [Unless they have ladyjunk. Of course. –Ed.]

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
—John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
—Oscar Ameringer

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
—Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
—Tex Guinan

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
—Charles de Gaulle [Compare and contrast to “The issues are too important to be left for the voters.” –Henry Kissinger, Secretary of State under the Nixon and Ford administrations]

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
—Doug Larson

There ought to be one day—just one—when there is open season on Congressmen.
—Will Rogers [There is. It is called “Election Day.” Unfortunately, not many people take advantage of the opportunity. –Ed.]

[h/t SJ]

This entry was posted in humor, quotes by Iris Vander Pluym. Bookmark the permalink.

About Iris Vander Pluym

Iris Vander Pluym is an artist and activist in NYC (West Village), and an unapologetic, godless, feminist lefty. Raised to believe Nice Girls™ do not discuss politics, sex or religion, it turns out those are pretty much the only topics she ever wants to talk about.

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