…because when I read this, I laughed. Like, really hard. And then I could. not. stop.
One cost of war: U.S. blowing up its own Humvees
The United States is spending millions of dollars to destroy U.S. equipment in Iraq and Syria — gear the U.S. gave the Iraqi military that was later captured by ISIS forces. The U.S has hit 41 Humvees since attacks began in August, according to data from United States Central Command.
No, that’s not the funny part.
The U.S. is sending $30,000-bombs to eliminate these armored vehicles, which cost about a quarter of a million dollars each depending what it is equipped with, according to Todd Harrison, a senior fellow at the Center for Strategic and Budgetary Assessments.
Not even mildly amusing.
The U.S. Defense Department confirmed the targets to CNN. “In some cases, we have seen instances of ISIL capturing and employing U.S.-made equipment,” said a spokesperson. “When we’ve seen these terrorists employing this equipment, we’ve sought to eliminate that threat.”
Whatever. I feel unqualified to comment on that, since I’m obviously no military strategist. I mean, I would have strongly advised not fucking invading Iraq in the first place, so what do I know.
Once the U.S. destroys the equipment, it might have to re-supply the Iraqi military.
“If we want them [the Iraqi military] to be able to secure their own borders in the long run, we’re going to have to re-equip them,” said Harrison. “So we’ll be buying another Humvee and sending it back to the Iraqi military.”
Bwahahahaha! HAHAHAHA! OMFG. I just lost my fucking shit! And no, I’m not reading The Onion. This is CNN, ferchrissakes. (People in this bar are looking at me kinda weird. Fuck ’em. They probably voted for Obama. Or worse.) Liss sums it up wryly: “What a fortuitous loop of total fuckery for war profiteers.” Better slash the food stamp budget some more, and Social Security too, while we’re at it—the Iraqis need more quarter million dollar armored Humvees we can later destroy with our $30,000 bombs!
Hey, remember when war profiteering was considered despicable? Yeah me neither. At any rate, now it’s the American Way.
Don’t get me wrong here: there is absolutely nothing even remotely humorous about war, or about US foreign policy, which for all practical purposes amounts to exactly the same goddamn thing. I am an unapologetic pacifist because there is virtually always a better solution to any conflict than (more) violence and destruction. And when I say better solution, I mean better by every single meaningful metric, including financially (for taxpayers at least…), environmentally, and of course with respect to harm to innocent humans and other life forms on planet Earth. “Collateral damage” is as evil as vicarious atonement. I hate everything about war; it is the ultimate failure of humanity to grow the fuck up and get its shit together.
But I just read the article again. And I’m not proud of this, people, but it’s the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in a loooong time. America’s Owners are either diabolical geniuses, or incompetent buffoons. And now that I think about it, very possibly both.
“So we’ll be buying another Humvee and sending it back to the Iraqi military.”