Ask Iris: Do you wish your mom erred on the side of abortion?

A stranger named GoodChoice wandered into the Palace last night, reeking of the distinct stench of an entirely unwarranted sense of superiority and smugness that has lately become all too familiar around here. Has Dunning-Kruger released a new fragrance or something? Anyway, GoodChoice spouted off in response to a comment by giliell, but it might just as well have been directed at practically anyone else participating in that thread. So please, giliell, if you would be so kind and allow me the honor of responding. 

Q. Do you wish your mom erred on the side of abortion?

A. Hahaha. HAHAHAHA! Did you really think this question was, I don’t know, some sort of gotcha? Is this the kind of thing you Forced Birthers sit around trying to come up with, then snicker at your own cleverness and slap yourselves on the back? I mean, this question is so utterly devoid of thought, so patently ridiculous, that you should probably stay far, far away from the internet so you do not continue to embarrass yourself.

NEWSFLASH: My mom had an abortion. If she had not, then it is probable that neither I nor my amazing sister would be alive today. Nor would my amazing nieces exist.


You see, the way reality works is that that when a pregnant person chooses to abort, her life takes a different trajectory than if she instead carried the fetus to term. It’s true! And it is especially true for young women without committed partners or the support and resources required to raise a child. It is also true for women with existing children (the majority of abortion seekers, BTW), and for women who care for others already dependent upon them. All of those lives would be profoundly disrupted by the presence of an unwanted child, and sometimes even by the pregnancy itself. The number one reason women have for choosing an abortion is “concern for/responsibility to other individuals,” which certainly puts the lie to the Forced Birther claim that women who abort are “selfish.”*

Further, there are indeed many people who would answer this inane question with “I wish my mother had aborted me.” They have thought deeply about the implications. I will not speak for them here; I will only say that your ignorance of their very existence is inexcusable, and rather telling.

Here is some free advice, cupcake. Learn to think competently. It will make a positive difference in your life, the lives of those around you, and the world at large.

We hope this edition of Ask Iris has been helpful.

*Actually, I would go even further in reply to the demonstrably false “selfish” claim: so the fuck what if she puts herself and her own happiness first? The cultural trope that the expected and proper role for all women at all times is that of self-sacrificing caregiver cannot die in a fire soon enough. She can have an abortion and finish high school or college. She can have an abortion and more easily get out of an abusive relationship. She can have an abortion and not interrupt her important research, or her promising career at a critical stage. My mother might not have had the extraordinary career she did. And that would have been a tragedy not just for her and her kid(s) after my father ditched her, but for all of the people whose lives she touched along the way—including, incidentally, the patients at a local abortion clinic.

6 thoughts on “Ask Iris: Do you wish your mom erred on the side of abortion?

  1. Thanks for the OP, the follow-up in comments and this new post. Heck, thanks for the entire blog; this is a wonderful place!

  2. Actually, since I was a planned pregnancy the question makes no sense.
    But yes, although I enjoy my life as it is right now and am happy to be alive right now I think that it would have been better if my parents had chosen not to have children until they’d worked out some things before.

    • Yes, but! Maybe GoodChoice haz a big scared if mommy’s world doesn’t revolve around GoodChoice?

      The question is rooted in projection: its underlying assumption is not really about your expected terror at the mere thought of your own nonexistence, or gawdferbid, your (hypothetical) unimportance to your mother. It’s about *cough* someone else’s *cough*.

      • It’s people’s fundamental inability to understand the difference between dying and nonexistence and the difference between themselves and the fetus they once were.

      • I agree, giliell. What I’m arguing is that the root of this inability to grok the obvious differences you mention is a result of highly motivated reasoning, or more accurately in this case, willful unreason. The implications for themselves not being at the center of the universe are simply inconceivable, and they are more highly motivated than most people to retain that particular delusion.

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