[TRIGGER WARNING: violence, misogyny, violent misogyny, and violent misogyny-themed sarcasm.]
When we last mocked The Most Shocking News Evar!!!, the Palace bravely went on record as disbelieving the “news” story that George Zimmerman, the racist asshole who got away with stalking and murdering an unarmed black teenager, still had access to guns with which he violently threatened his wife and her father. My exact words were: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT.” And sure enough, no charges were filed against Zimmerman for “lack of evidence.” This obviously means he didn’t do it! And once again, we were vindicated for our uncanny prescience and brilliant insight.
Of course, Mr. Zimmerman wasn’t charged with murder until 44 days after shooting Trayvon Martin, and even then it was only because of massive public outrage. But that is not the point! The point is that we knew that the violent wife-threatening charges would be dropped because this behavior would be completely out of character for Mr. Zimmerman! Just think about it: he is a violent racist asshole fer gawdsakes, not a violent misogynist asshole. Duh. He clearly cannot be both, because LOGIC. Also: COMMON SENSE. (See also: SCIENCE.) And anyway, this alleged violent wife-threatening incident was clearly a case of He-Said-She-Said. And we all know how that generally works out—and for good reason! Bitchez be lyin’, amirite?
Well, Loyal Readers™, I am sorry to inform you that Your Liberal Media™ is once again trying to smear the Great Man and 2nd Amendment Hero George ZImmerman. The Washington Post reports:
Fla. officials: George Zimmerman arrested after deputies respond
to disturbance call at house
APOPKA, Fla. — Former neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman was arrested Monday in Florida after deputies responded to a disturbance call at a house, authorities said.
What?! A man who stalked and shot an unarmed teenager and may or may not have threatened his wife and her dad with a gun has caused some sort of “disturbance”? Come the fuck on. As the article notes:
In 2005, Zimmerman had to take anger management courses after he was accused of attacking an undercover officer who was trying to arrest Zimmerman’s friend. In another incident, a girlfriend accused him of attacking her.
See? After attacking his girlfriend and a police officer, George Zimmerman took anger management classes. There is simply no way this highly trained and state-certified Expert Anger Manager could have disturbed anyone. Well, except for all you haters out there!