Conservative specimen 792,641.

Loyal Readers™ are keenly aware that this Palace houses, among other things, the world’s most renowned institution for the study of Conservative Personality Disorder (CPD). It’s a vexing problem, one that has probably plagued humanity ever since the first homo sapiens assholus blocked a watering hole shared with neighboring apes, and a violent resource war promptly ensued. And although we are as committed as ever to seeking a vaccine and, ultimately, a cure for CPD, our research program has been stymied by… well, boredom.

Time and time again, we see the exact same problem embarrassingly splayed across the pages of supposedly reputable newspapers: grandiose narcissism, hierarchical Social Darwinism, sociopathic empathy deficits, a cavernous sense of unearned privilege and entitlement, weapons grade psychological projection and a cognitive derangement so profound as characterized by a nearly complete detachment from present and historical reality. This is, of course, foundational to the problem itself: conservatives never come up with anything new, only adaptive ways to inflict their disproven and inhumane policies on everyone else. Some days, we can only shake our heads in dismay.

Witness this Op-Ed in today’s Wall Street Journal by one Daniel Henninger, of whom we have never previously heard and do not care to enlighten ourselves with respect to his provenance. Behold:

Let ObamaCare Collapse

As its Oct. 1 implementation date arrives, ObamaCare is the biggest bet that American liberalism has made in 80 years on its foundational beliefs.


NEWSFLASH for those who write columns in major American newspapers: The Affordable Care Act (ACA) was based on model legislation right out of Wingnut Central The Heritage Foundation in 1989. The ACA entrenches, expands and subsidizes private health insurance with public funds, which is why no lefty worth her L could possibly support it. This exact paradigm has long been championed by conservative pundits and politicians, because it rings three of their favorite bells:  (1) a “market-based approach” to health insurance reform: (2) on the basis of “individual responsibility” (in the form of an individual mandate with a penalty for noncompliance); and (3) a massively wasteful taxpayer giveaway to a profitable private industry. I mean, if that is not just full of conservative WIN, I don’t know what is. In the early 1990s, Republicans in the Gingrich era pitched the same idea—twice. But Republicans who happily supported it then and of course never raised any constitutional issues—e.g., Senators Orrin Hatch, Chuck Grassley, Bob Bennett and Kit Bond—are now united in lockstep opposition to their own idea.

Moreover, the Republicans’ own 2012 presidential candidate implemented the same scheme as governor of Massachusetts in 2006, and it was lauded by Republicans. Here’s Senator Jim DeMint (R-egressive), one of the Senate’s most conservative shitweasels, on the Massachusetts health care law:

DeMint praised Romney’s ability to “take some good conservative ideas, like private health insurance, and apply them to the need to have everyone insured.”

There are no “good conservative ideas” of course, but private health insurance is a real doozy. Nevertheless, this Henningcritter writes this morning:

ObamaCare is the biggest bet that American liberalism has made in 80 years on its foundational beliefs.

Hilarious! He goes on:

This thing called “ObamaCare” carries on its back all the justifications, hopes and dreams of the entitlement state.

Hahaha. As if.

The chance is at hand to let its political underpinnings collapse, perhaps permanently.

Well one can only hope, since its political underpinnings are unabashedly conservative.

Later on in his rant, Henningweasel demonstrates that he does indeed have a slight, if tenuous, hold on reality:

A political idea, once it becomes a national program, achieves legitimacy with the public. Over time, that legitimacy deepens. So it has been with the idea of national social insurance.

German Chancellor Otto von Bismark’s creation of a social insurance system in the 19th century spread through Europe. After the devastation of World War I, few questioned its need. In the U.S., Franklin Roosevelt’s Social Security system was seen as an antidote to the Depression.

The public’s three-decade support for the idea allowed Lyndon Johnson to pass the Medicare and Medicaid entitlements even in the absence of an economic crisis.

So far, so good—although why it should be odd that single-payer programs like Medicare and Medicaid would be implemented in the absence of an economic crisis is more than a little weird, given that conservatives use economic downturns all the time as an excuse to cut social programs—like food stamps. But this next remark is killer:

Going back at least to the Breaux-Thomas Medicare Commission in 1999, endless learned bodies have warned that the U.S. entitlement scheme of Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid is financially unsupportable.

Who these “learned bodies” might be is not revealed, but my money’s on the scheming apes over at The Heritage Foundation. Social Security is sustainable. Period. Medicare and Medicaid may be unsustainable, but that is due in large part to conservatives (Obama, Lieberman, Republicans, etc.) unrepentantly committed to amoral and inefficient “market-based” approaches to what should by all rights be a government function. Thus they do a whole lot of incredibly stupid, ridiculous and unconscionable things, like banning the U.S. government from negotiating better drug prices and blocking importation, so that every American continues to pay the highest pharmaceutical prices in the world. Like selling out the public option (a Medicare buy-in). Everyone unafflicted with CPD and paying even the least amount of attention understands exactly how fucked up all of this is.

And consider how removed from the reality shared by millions of one’s fellow citizens one needs to be in order to write a sentence like this one:

Medicaid is the worst medicine in the United States.

Holy $#!+. If Medicaid were indeed the complete calamity he suggests, it is still better than no access to medicine at all—a circumstance I think we can be pretty certain Henningturd will never experience himself.

But this quip absolutely takes the cake:

An established political idea is like a vampire. Facts, opinions, votes, garlic: Nothing can make it die.


ObamaCare is the solely owned creation of the Democrats’ bipartisan conservatives’ belief in their own limitless powers to fashion goodness out of legislated entitlements toxic ideologyThe Democrats Conservatives in 2014 should by all means be asked relentlessly to defend their monster.

FIFY, cupcake.

The discrediting of the entitlement state begins next Tuesday. Let it happen.

Oh! If only we had an “entitlement state” to discredit! Actually we do, but in a much different sense that Herringfarter thinks. The House Republicans’ debt limit bill, passed yesterday, shows exactly who they believe should be entitled:

In return for a one-year suspension of the debt ceiling, House Republicans are demanding a yearlong delay of Obamacare, Rep. Paul Ryan’s tax reform plan, the Keystone XL pipeline, more offshore oil drilling, more drilling on federally protected lands, rewriting of ash coal regulations, a suspension of the Environmental Protection Agency’s efforts to regulate carbon emissions, more power over the regulatory process in general, reform of the federal employee retirement program, an overhaul of the Dodd-Frank financial regulations, more power over the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau’s budget, repeal of the Social Services Block Grant, more means-testing in Medicare, repeal of the Public Health trust fund, and more.

Entitled: The mega-wealthy, Dirty Energy and Big Banks.

Not entitled: sick people in the wealthiest country on Earth ever.

The American people elected Democrats to both houses of congress and the presidency in 2008, and for their trouble they’ve now got thoroughly conservative health care “reform.” And yet the Henningholes of the world cannot even remember that it was their own fucking idea—or that the liberal flank of the Democrats almost torpedoed the ACA over Obama’s sellout of the public option.

Conservatives: deranged dumbasses, or lying shitheads?

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the lab trying to figure that one out.


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