Ask Iris: Why are liberals so rude to the right?

When I read this in The Guardian today I nearly choked on my organic fair trade soy decaf latte. The whole thing really has to be read to be believed, but here are some, um… “highlights”?:

Too many people who lean left would rather crack nasty jokes than actually be liberal and listen to other views.

People who lean left have listened to your views. This is the precisely reason they mock you.

They look at us with disdain, thinking we’re unenlightened conservatives and never hesitating to say so.

If it walks like a duck…

As the lone conservative at the tennis courts, I cringe at the Sarah Palin jokes and the jabs at Mormons.

That poor lone conservative at the tennis courts! Jeezus. #firstworldproblems

Wouldn’t it be better for America if liberals really were liberal, and listened to other points of view?

Hardly. It would be better for America if conservatives kept their odious views and terrible policy ideas to themselves out of fear of instant public shaming, relentless ridicule and mockery. You know, like racists now do.

Is prayer in public places really so awful?

Yes. Yes, it is. It’s bad enough that the practice insults and excludes citizens who are non-believers or followers of other faiths. It’s bad enough that it’s blatantly unconstitutional. But worst of all, the state endorsing religion in any manner perpetuates the terrible idea that religion is automatically deserving of respect, instead of mockery. Tsk-tsk.

Isn’t it possible to have legitimate concerns about the effects of gay marriage?


Hasn’t Sarah Palin earned some respect for her successful fight against corruption in Alaska?

Not really. Just because the Pope is right about capital punishment doesn’t mean he deserves any respect. Broken clocks right twice a day, and all that.

Perhaps the best response to global warming is to adapt to it, rather than spending billions to fight it. Think about it.

Listen, dumbass. We’re already going to have to “adapt to it” regardless of any hypothetical billions spent fighting it. You have no idea what you’re even talking about. Global warming isn’t going to be pretty: Massive human migrations. Food and water shortages. Ecosystem failures and habitat destruction. Coastline devastation. Unprecedented weather events. Catastrophic species extinctions. Resource wars.

No, I’m afraid you will need to adapt. To my farting in your general direction.

Which brings us to the latest edition of Ask Iris.

Q: “Why are liberals so rude to the right?”

A. Because conservatives foisted Bush/Cheney on the country and the world, and many, many thousands of people are dead, maimed, displaced and impoverished because of it. Because you openly support a status quo that benefits a tiny, overprivileged few at the expense of everyone else, including the nation’s children. Because you either believe human-caused climate change isn’t happening or that “the best response to global warming is to adapt to it.” Because you would force women to constantly give birth to unwanted children or seek out deadly alternatives out of desperation. Because you deny equal rights to LBGTQ citizens. Because you block even the most minor tweaks to gun laws while kids are being slaughtered. Because you reject reality in favor of your toxic, destructive and disproven dogmas, such as deregulation and for-profit healthcare. Because you support taxpayer-funded religious schools in lieu of excellent public education. Because you wage a war on drugs instead of a war on poverty, enriching private prison profiteers while your fellow citizens suffer unimaginably.

I could go on.

But by all means, let’s focus on the real tragedy here: your tender fee-fees get hurt when lefties mock you. Oh, the humanity!

Liberals are not rude enough to right-wing conservatives. Not nearly.

We hope this edition of Ask Iris has been helpful.

1 thought on “Ask Iris: Why are liberals so rude to the right?

  1. OMG. I love “Ask Iris.”

    This is the best advice column I ever read on any topic.

    May I pretty please offer it as the bonus feature with today’s FFRF “Freethought of the Day” to my karass?


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