Today the Palace received this missive from our good friends at the DSCC. Senator Michael Bennet (D-ipshit) writes:
From: Michael Bennet <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: The Washington Post
Date: February 12, 2013
Iris — The Washington Post called tonight’s speech the most important State of the Union address of the Obama presidency.
In just a few hours, the President will officially propose the most ambitious and important agenda in decades.
Tomorrow, you’ll see the Republicans ferociously attack the President, and every issue you care about and fought for in November — from equal rights to protecting Medicare.
Your Action History
Name: Iris Vander Pluym
Supporter record: [REDACTED]
Last petition signed: 05/16/2011
Current petition: (signature pending)
You helped win that election, but it’s day one of a new fight: making this agenda a reality. And like winning the election, it’s not going to happen unless we stick together.
If you support the President, add your name to support this agenda right away — before he takes to the podium! Let’s get 150,000 supporters on board tonight!
We’ve waited so long for this kind of progress to be within our reach. But success will require the same level of intensity as we had in November.
Otherwise the other side will snatch it from our hands.
Please show your support,
Senator Michael Bennet
Dear Senator Bennet:
According to you, tonight the president will officially propose “the most ambitious and important agenda in decades.” That sure sounds exciting and inspiring! I, for one, cannot wait to hear what he says.* And yet strangely, you are writing to ask me to sign a petition in support of this amazing agenda before he even proposes it. Do you really not see the problem with this?
I have no doubt that you’ll find 150,000 signatures for your petition. As you probably know, there are a frightening number of people who will support the president no matter what he does. I am not one of those people. Frankly, they repulse me: theirs is the behavior of amoral, authoritarian cult followers. We had more than enough of them during the Bush years, don’t you think?
A blind cult following is no less fatal to a functioning democracy when a corporatist warmonger that happens to be from your own party is in the White House. Please do not encourage such people by asking them to support an agenda they haven’t even heard yet. And if that is not enough to dissuade you, consider that it makes you look like an authoritarian and/or an idiot.
-Iris Vander Pluym
* I kid! I care not one whit what the president says tonight (or ever), only what he does. Tonight I’ll be doing something far more interesting, informative and meaningful than watching the State of the Union. Like cleaning hair and lint out of the trap in my bathtub drain.