And because he’s Andy Borowitz, he keeps effortlessly dropping memorable asides like this one:
Just let me say this: Watching cable news because you want to become better informed is like going to Olive Garden because you want to live in Italy.
Of course numerous other bons mots precede and follow this one – and this was a somewhat serious speech wherein he gives two reasons why he says ________ will win the election.
I have been a big Borowitz fan for years and have even gone so far as to call him the greatest American political humorist ever. And if I believed in blessings (of course I don’t; blessing is a yucky, abject word), I would say this: We exceptional Americans are exceptionally blessed (ooh, yuck, there’s that word) to be living in a period of two singularly outstanding political humorists, Stephen Colbert being the other. Reading or listening to Borowitz/Colbert is like watching a superb sidewalk artist at work: WTF? . . . How does he do that? You know, like magic.
Now like most of the people reading this, I’ve had the experience of being pretty damn good at a few things, usually by dint of intense dedication and total immersion at the expense of other areas of life. The term I use is serial passions. But these guys are transcendently talented, which is an experience I’ve never come close to; but I’m not through yet . . . there’s always tap dancing.
“Blessed,” “total immersion” – what’s with these religion-tainted terms? Hmm, might be time to get the old brain scanned.
But you know, watching Borowitz makes me wonder about something else: Why are all the good people Democrats, progressives and liberals? (Note: I am definitely not saying that everyone in those groups is a good person – far from it. The problem is thinking of even one person on the other side of the great divide who qualifies. Okay, I know that’s shameless stereotyping; but seriously, just look at the ones who venture out of their “private meetings” into the public eye. If you’re having a problem, I’ll be happy to provide you with a partial list (the actual list being endless). And here’s what I suspect: Conservative public faces – congresspersons, candidates, media personalities, pundits, religious figures, etc., are all schmucks, total asshats, the kind of people that would put their dog on the roof of their car or compel women to have unwanted children, even in cases of rape. Or whatever example you prefer to dredge out of the bottomless pit of revolting Republigoon words and actions.
And here’s the thing: These public figures are not extreme examples of what Iris has labeled CPD, or Conservative Personality Disorder. No, they are speaking for the conservative masses – they’re just more articulate, but not nastier. If anything, they make ordinary, everyday conservatives sound better because they have to tone down their rhetoric somewhat for media dissemination. Like Romney, I’m sure they are much worse when talking among themselves without suspecting they’re being overheard by decent people, or recorded. But even in public their true hatred, bigotry, deceit and willful ignorance are only thinly disguised by a lexicon of code words.
So that’s all I have to say about the broken American political system until after the election.