A throne — an actual throne! — for sale at my favorite local thrift shop:
I was standing there agape at the $365 price tag (FULL DISCLOSURE: I have no idea what thrones go for these days…or any days) when this d00d walked up next to me. He stood there agape, too. “Who needs a throne?” he sniffed, to me and/or to no one.
“Doesn’t everyone?” I replied, in my best WTF sneer. I turned to look at him, and smiled my best WTF smile, eyebrows WTF arched. For a moment he seemed to size me up, but said nothing. Perhaps he took one look at me on this very bad hair day and thought better of getting into it.
As I wandered away, a little girl boldly clambered up onto the leather seat and made herself comfortable. I snorted. Awesome. Then I perused today’s selection of coffee mugs. Nope, nothing to see here.
I went to lunch, where I commiserated with my friend Juan. His ridiculously adorable toddler son needed three stitches in his forehead this weekend after an accidental fall. Aww!
On my way back to the Palace I happened to go by the thrift shop again. I don’t know why I went in. Maybe I thought I missed something earlier. What with all the throne-related distractions.
The throne was gone. Gone!
I strongly suspect Mr. Smarmy “Who Needs a Throne?” bought it as soon as I left the store.
Perhaps he realized that (although I may wrong about a lot of things) I am 100% right about this: doesn’t everyone?
P.S. To the d00d who bought
my the throne: The Palace’s actual throne (okay fine, “virtual” throne) is WAY COOLER THAN THAT THRONE. WAY COOLER!!!11!!!
P.P.S. I hate you.