The Palace hereby announces the official launch of its official write-in campaign to officially elect Julia Gillard Official President of the United States of America. Yes, there is the small matter that she is currently the Prime Minister of Australia and probably busy with, well… whatever it is that Prime Ministers of Australia do. And sure, there is that constitutional matter of her being disqualified for the position by virtue of not being born in the U.S., but I am completely confident that this particular hurdle can be easily overcome: she was born in the U.K., after all. Not Kenya.
Julia Gillard, you see, is a badass. (And a godless badass, to boot.) Watch as she relentlessly skewers the smug conservative asshat Tony Abbott on the floor of the Australian Parliament for fifteen full minutes:
Christ-on-a-cracker: I would pay good money to watch her go head to head in a debate with John Boehner, Paul Ryan, or even the silver-tongued devil Barack Obama himself. There are many moments in the video worth savoring, but this passage is particularly delicious:
I will not be lectured about sexism and misogyny by this man, I will not. And the government will not be lectured about sexism and misogyny by this man. Not now, not ever. The leader of the opposition says that people who hold sexist views and who are misogynists are not appropriate for high office. Well, I hope the leader of the opposition has got a piece of paper and he is writing out his resignation. Because if he wants to know what misogyny looks like in modern Australia, he doesn’t need a motion in the house of representatives. He needs a mirror.
I’m not saying that electing Julia Gillard as U.S. President would end the right’s war on women. I am saying that with Julia Gillard in the White House, they would lose.
Wait. What’s this? Gillard has stated that she does not support same-sex marriage, and on the subject of the Wikileaks release of the State Department cables (which exposed collusion, fraud, war crimes, lies and wrongdoing among Western governments):
Julia Gillard stated, “I absolutely condemn the placement of this information on the WikiLeaks website. It’s a grossly irresponsible thing to do and an illegal thing to do”. After an Australian Federal Police investigation failed to find WikiLeaks had broken any Australian laws by publishing the US diplomatic documents, Gillard maintained her stance that the release of the documents was “grossly irresponsible”.
Oh. Then we cannot in good conscience vote for her anyway.