I don’t know why I have never before thrust upon my Many Tens of Loyal Readers™ the witticisms of Ms. Dorothy Parker, but I stumbled upon one today and decided that I should rectify this omission immediately. She is, after all, a broad after my own cold, black, little heart.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Tell him I was too fucking busy—or vice versa.
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
I wanted to be cute. That’s the terrible thing. I should have had more sense.
Need of money, dear. (in response to an interviewer’s question, “What, then, would you say is the source of most of your work?”)
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
[A]s for helping me in the outside world, the convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser it will erase ink. And I remember the smell of oilcloth, the smell of nuns’ garb. I was fired from there, finally, for a lot of things, among them my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion.
I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.
I had been fed, in my youth, a lot of old wives’ tales about the way men would instantly forsake a beautiful woman to flock around a brilliant one. It is but fair to say that, after getting out in the world, I had never seen this happen.
I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.
It’s not the tragedies that kill us, it’s the messes.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
Please visit the Palace’s Quote collection for more quotes from Parker and other notables.