Begin forwarded message:
From: Angela Guzman <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Iris and Barack
Date: August 16, 2012 1:56:41 PM EDT
To: [Iris Vander Pluym]
When President Obama steps onto the stage at the Democratic Convention, everyone will be there. Michelle Obama, Bill Clinton, Elizabeth Warren and… you?
11 HOUR WARNING: Tonight at midnight is the deadline to enter. Hotel and airfare are on us.
Donate $3 or more and you’ll be automatically entered to win a FREE trip to the Democratic Convention >>
DCCC Grassroots Director
Dear Ms. Guzman:
It is simply not true that when President Obama steps onto the stage at the convention “everyone” will be there. If you live in an insular bubble of mutual, masturbative fuckery, then yes, “everyone” who means anything—to you—may very well be at the convention. (The corporate media. The DNC. Conservative Democrats. Blue Dogs. YOUR GOVERNMENT: BROUGHT TO YOU BY AT&T!) But as it turns out, “everyone” who means anything—to me—will almost certainly not be on the stage with Barack Obama. [SPOILER ALERT! Michelle Obama, Bill Clinton and Elizabeth Warren are not “everyone.”]
You know who else won’t be there at the Democratic National Convention? My sister. She is busy struggling to make ends meet at her wholly-owned small business, in the wake of a wrecked economy brought on by criminal bankers who will never, ever be prosecuted by the current administration. Also not attending: my best friend in L.A., who cannot find even an entry-level a job, despite her outstanding character and absolutely superb resumé. And unfortunately for you, missing from your convention will also be the pleasurable company of my oldest and dearest friend, a U.S. citizen who would rather stay in [struggling European country] than move back home to Florida, where his prospects for both work and adequate healthcare are actually worse.
Also, this statement is full of axiomatic FAIL:
Donate $3 or more and you’ll be automatically entered to win a FREE trip to the Democratic Convention.
Ms. Guzman, I hate to break it to you, but according to my ladymath, $3 isn’t “free.” I’m sure $3 is inconsequential to you and your “everyone.” But I know plenty of people for whom spending $3 to be “on stage” at the convention with “everyone” is an unthinkable, unaffordable luxury—and certainly one not worthy of $3, in light of their present economic circumstances.
Kindly fuck off.
-Iris Vander Pluym