Because we generally abhor Facebook (although we are admittedly hopeless Twitter junkies), we sometimes remain unaware of that infinitesimally miniscule percentage of Facebook posts that actually contain some seriously awesome shit. Fortunately, Alternet comes to our rescue today with a piece entitled Women’s Health Supporters Hilariously Flood Republicans’ Facebook Walls With Sarcasm (“Can You Help Me Choose a Tampon?”)
Some choice posts (pun intended):
Hey Governor Brownback, I was just wondering if you can help me decide what kind of tampons to buy. I have a heavy flow, and I’d like to avoid any embarrassing leaks. I’m sure you’re very busy and I’m sorry to bother you. It’s just that, as a woman, I just don’t feel comfortable making these important health decisions without input from a male politician. I’m sure you understand.
Also on the good Governor’s wall:
The other day I was going no. 1 and I saw a lot of blood in my underwear. My mom told me this is called a ‘period’ and that it means I’m growing up, but I’m not so sure. She’s nowhere NEAR as smart as YOU are when it comes to how this stuff works. Could you please explain this to me? Please answer quickly because the bleeding won’t stop and I don’t want to die.
There is much more High Mockery™ at the link. But we just want to say that we are so moved, so emotionally overwhelmed, and that we find these posts so inspiring and heartwarming, that we are — *sniff* — choking back tears!
Actually, no we’re not. Not really. We do not cry nearly as much as Republicans.*
Also from Alternet comes news of a planned “Sex Strike” in protest of the general assholishnesss of conservatives. The poster slogan — “ACCESS DENIED: if our reproductive choices are denied, so are yours” — is wonderfully reminiscent of the ancient play Lysistrata (which, while problematic in many respects, is nonetheless… interesting). The fact that a human person who identifies as “Steven D from Booman Tribune” wrote a spectacular essay in support of the aforementioned sex strike is TOTALLY NOT bringing a tear to the proverbial eye. But if we were the crying type…well, it just might. It just might.
You want Viagra, Cialis and Levitra covered by your insurance program to make your penis function properly so you can engage in sexual activity, and you don’t want to bear the full cost of those medications.
This isn’t a “feminist’ issue. It’s a human rights issue. So, yes, I support this proposed sex strike because maybe it will finally get your attention that women are full and equal human beings and no man’s property, much less the equivalent of cows and pigs.
Must be allergies. Oh, I have something in my eye! Does anyone have a tissue? Thanks… thanks so much… *sniff sniff*… ahhhh. Much better.
Anyway! Perry Street Palace hereby proclaims solidarity with those who wish to participate in any or all sex strikes for the ultimate good of humanity.** But speaking of being-problematic-in-many-respects-while-nonetheless-interesting, we will be taking a radically different approach during sex strike week: we plan to have a lot of extra non-procreative, safe, kinky, and ridiculously pleasureful sex every single day of the strike, in order to induce as many
orgasms for me and my lover apoplectic fits among conservatives as possible. Well, that is, to the extent that our lover is willing to indulge us. Our sex life is, after all — as it damn well should be — entirely conditional upon the enthusiastic consent of our partner(s).
*We are not herein pronouncing judgment on crying per se — although we do strenuously object to it being used as a cudgel to bash women (and/or gays, and/or liberals and/or anyone) as “weak” when crying is in fact a universal human phenomenon. Personally, I cry far less often than the vast majority of men I’ve known, but I am not claiming that this is a good thing.
**Remember: we must always use our powers for good. Otherwise, the terrorists win.