Twitter is like crack.
Not that I’ve ever smoked crack — although to be sure, there was a time when I almost certainly would have if the opportunity had presented itself. I am referring to my understanding of crack addiction, as memorably portrayed by Chris Rock in the movie New Jack City.
It’s hard enough keeping up with everything SJ sends me, but since joining Twitter a week ago or so, I have not even come up for air. The Palace Laundry goes undone. The Palace coffee mugs go unwashed. The Palace pantry lies bare. I am telling you, I am thisclose to being this d00d:
I know that I could, at least in theory, Unfollow all of these dastardly villains who lure me into endless wormholes with their sweet, sweet links and retweets. You know — just like a crack addict could, in theory, put down the pipe and promptly get into a degree program at Yale on a full scholarship, and then go on to win the Kansas caucuses in a Republican primary. Okay, so maybe that last one isn’t so far fetched, since brain rot is obviously no obstacle.
Just say no, people. Just say no.
Oops! Gotta run — in the time it took to post this I have eight new unread tweets!