How to up your blog’s hit count on the government dime.

HuffPo recently reported on documents obtained from the Department of Homeland Security Theatre™ via a law suit by the Electronic Privacy Information Center, including a 2011 manual of key words and search terms used by our government to spy on its citizens’ social media and other online activity, allegedly in order to detect possible terrorist threats, natural disasters and public health emergencies. (I had no idea that terrorists routinely post their intentions on Facebook.  Fascinating.)  Other documents obtained as a result of the lawsuit revealed that DHS analysts were scrutinizing online comments that “reflect adversely” on the U.S. government, which last time I checked was the entire point of having First Amendment speech protection in the first place, not to mention the patriotic duty of every citizen who by definition gives a shit what its government does.

The Electronic Privacy Information Center sent the documents to Congress with a letter stating that the keywords and search terms are “broad, vague and ambiguous” and include “vast amounts of First Amendment protected speech that is entirely unrelated to the Department of Homeland Security mission to protect the public against terrorism and disasters.”  The House Homeland Security Subcommittee on Counterterrorism and Intelligence dragged a few officials in for hearing:

Mary Ellen Callahan, the chief privacy officer for the Department of Homeland Security, and Richard Chavez, director for the National Operations Center, testified at a House hearing that the released documents were outdated and that social media was monitored strictly to provide situational awareness and not to police disparaging opinions about the federal government. On Friday, Homeland Security officials stuck by that testimony.

On Friday, a “senior Homeland Security official” who spoke anonymously to HuffPo denied that the government is monitoring political dissent.  Therefore, it must be true.  That “outdated” manual (from all the way back in 2011!) that instructed analysts to identify “media reports that reflect adversely on DHS and response activities” was not aimed at silencing criticism but at spotting and addressing problems, added the anonymous government official.  And there you have it:  the anonymous government official says it, I believe it, that settles it!  Obviously, there is absolutely nothing to be concerned with here, people.

As long as we’re all paying for this sprawling enormous, completely harmless, entirely legal and rigorously accountable security apparatus to monitor the ‘net, the Palace may as well get something useful out of it.  Alexander Higgens has taken the trouble to cull from the documents all of the words that will get you flagged by Big Brother.  So in an effort to get hundreds of DHS analysts to visit my blog today, I am posting them all below.  If it drives up the hit count sufficiently, I’ll do it again every day.

Please join me in giving a warm Palace welcome to our new loyal readers from DHS!

The Official List – Using these words online will put you in the crosshairs of
Big Brother’s multi-billion dollar spy machine

Domestic Security

Assassination
Attack
Domestic security
Drill
Exercise
Cops
Law enforcement
Authorities
Disaster assistance
Disaster management
DNDO (Domestic Nuclear
Detection Office)
National preparedness
Mitigation
Prevention
Response
Recovery
Dirty bomb
Domestic nuclear detection
Emergency management
Emergency response
First responder
Homeland security
Maritime domain awareness
(MDA)
National preparedness
initiative
Militia
Shooting
Shots fired
Evacuation
Deaths
Hostage
Explosion (explosive)
Police
Disaster medical assistance
team (DMAT)
Organized crime
Gangs
National security
State of emergency
Security
Breach
Threat
Standoff
SWAT
Screening
Lockdown
Bomb (squad or threat)
Crash
Looting
Riot
Emergency Landing
Pipe bomb
Incident
Facility

HAZMAT & Nuclear

Hazmat
Nuclear
Chemical spill
Suspicious package/device
Toxic
National laboratory
Nuclear facility
Nuclear threat
Cloud
Plume
Radiation
Radioactive
Leak
Biological infection (or
event)
Chemical
Chemical burn
Biological
Epidemic
Hazardous
Hazardous material incident
Industrial spill
Infection
Powder (white)
Gas
Spillover
Anthrax
Blister agent
Chemical agent
Exposure
Burn
Nerve agent
Ricin
Sarin
North Korea

Health Concern + H1N1

Outbreak
Contamination
Exposure
Virus
Evacuation
Bacteria
Recall
Ebola
Food Poisoning
Foot and Mouth (FMD)
H5N1
Avian
Flu
Strain
Quarantine
H1N1
Vaccine
Salmonella
Small Pox
Plague
Human to human
Human to Animal
Influenza
Center for Disease Control
(CDC)
Drug Administration (FDA)
Public Health
Toxic
Agro Terror
Tuberculosis (TB)
Tamiflu
Norvo Virus
Epidemic
Agriculture
Listeria
Symptoms
Mutation
Resistant
Antiviral
Wave
Pandemic
Infection
Water/air borne
Sick
Swine
Pork World Health Organization
(WHO) (and components)
Viral Hemorrhagic Fever
E. Coli

Infrastructure Security

Infrastructure security
Airport
CIKR (Critical Infrastructure
& Key Resources)
AMTRAK
Collapse
Computer infrastructure
Communications
infrastructure
Telecommunications
Critical infrastructure
National infrastructure
Metro
WMATA
Airplane (and derivatives)
Chemical fire
Subway
BART
MARTA
Port Authority
NBIC (National
Biosurveillance Integration
Center)
Transportation security
Grid
Power
Smart
Body scanner
Electric
Failure or outage
Black out
Brown out
Port
Dock
Bridge
Cancelled
Delays
Service disruption
Power lines

Southwest Border Violence

Drug cartel
Violence
Gang
Drug
Narcotics
Cocaine
Marijuana
Heroin
Border
Mexico
Cartel
Southwest
Juarez
Sinaloa
Tijuana
Torreon
Yuma
Tucson
Decapitated
U.S. Consulate
Consular
El Paso
Fort Hancock
San Diego
Ciudad Juarez
Nogales
Sonora
Colombia
Mara salvatrucha
MS13 or MS-13
Drug war
Mexican army
Methamphetamine
Cartel de Golfo
Gulf Cartel
La Familia
Reynosa
Nuevo Leon
Narcos
Narco banners (Spanish
equivalents)
Los Zetas
Shootout
Execution
Gunfight
Trafficking
Kidnap
Calderon
Reyosa
Bust
Tamaulipas
Meth Lab
Drug trade
Illegal immigrants
Smuggling (smugglers)
Matamoros
Michoacana
Guzman
Arellano-Felix
Beltran-Leyva
Barrio Azteca
Artistic Assassins
Mexicles
New Federation

Terrorism

Terrorism
Al Qaeda (all spellings)
Terror
Attack
Iraq
Afghanistan
Iran
Pakistan
Agro
Environmental terrorist
Eco terrorism
Conventional weapon
Target
Weapons grade
Dirty bomb
Enriched
Nuclear
Chemical weapon
Biological weapon
Ammonium nitrate
Improvised explosive device
IED (Improvised Explosive
Device)
Abu Sayyaf
Hamas
FARC (Armed Revolutionary
Forces Colombia)
IRA (Irish Republican Army)
ETA (Euskadi ta Askatasuna)
Basque Separatists
Hezbollah
Tamil Tigers
PLF (Palestine Liberation
Front)
PLO (Palestine Liberation
Organization
Car bomb
Jihad
Taliban
Weapons cache
Suicide bomber
Suicide attack
Suspicious substance
AQAP (AL Qaeda Arabian
Peninsula)
AQIM (Al Qaeda in the
Islamic Maghreb)
TTP (Tehrik-i-Taliban
Pakistan)
Yemen
Pirates
Extremism
Somalia
Nigeria
Radicals
Al-Shabaab
Home grown
Plot
Nationalist
Recruitment
Fundamentalism
Islamist

Weather/Disaster/Emergency

Emergency
Hurricane
Tornado
Twister
Tsunami
Earthquake
Tremor
Flood
Storm
Crest
Temblor
Extreme weather
Forest fire
Brush fire
Ice
Stranded/Stuck
Help
Hail
Wildfire
Tsunami Warning Center
Magnitude
Avalanche
Typhoon
Shelter-in-place
Disaster
Snow
Blizzard
Sleet
Mud slide or Mudslide
Erosion
Power outage
Brown out
Warning
Watch
Lightening
Aid
Relief
Closure
Interstate
Burst
Emergency Broadcast System

Cyber Security

Cyber security
Botnet
DDOS (dedicated denial of
service)
Denial of service
Malware
Virus
Trojan
Keylogger
Cyber Command
2600
Spammer
Phishing
Rootkit
Phreaking
Cain and abel
Brute forcing
Mysql injection
Cyber attack
Cyber terror
Hacker
China
Conficker
Worm
Scammers
Social media

[h/t nubs]

This entry was posted in blogging, USA by Iris Vander Pluym. Bookmark the permalink.

About Iris Vander Pluym

Iris Vander Pluym is an artist and activist in NYC (West Village), and an unapologetic, godless, feminist lefty. Raised to believe Nice Girls™ do not discuss politics, sex or religion, it turns out those are pretty much the only topics she ever wants to talk about.

2 thoughts on “How to up your blog’s hit count on the government dime.

  1. You would think for our billions we could at least get someone who knows how to spell “lightning”. Unless the use of the verb “lightening” was intentional. (Either way, note to eviildoers: use the word “lightning” to avoid detection!)

    Security theater, indeed. And a nice self-promulgating show to boot. That is, if there are no future terrorist attacks, they can boast how well what they’ve done has worked, so they need to have their budget okayed and extended. And if on the other hand there IS a terrorist attack, they can go to Congress and claim that they would have caught the bad guys if only they’d had more money.

    Pure fucking genius, if you ask me.

    Anyway, I donated half my lunch break for the cause and came up with a, er, cool utility I’ve named the “Paranoiafier”. Check it out here:

    http://www.nogodno.com/paranoiafier.asp

    “Ridicule is the only weapon…”
    -Thomas Jefferson

  2. The Paranoiafier is fucking awesome.

    I typed in “Testing one, two, three.” The paranoiafied version says:

    Testing, Kidnap one, Tijuana two, Human to human three. Nuclear Cartel Tamiflu

    I’m sending this message to the White House right away!

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