Oops. Wrong number.

The Palace received via email yesterday (what purported to be) an urgent missive from The Washington Post, with the subject line “News Alert: 84 percent of Americans disapprove of job Congress is doing.”

Well, knock me over with a feather!  84 percent?  Seriously?

I know:  it’s hard to believe.  But as reality-based people who aspire to address serious real-world problems effectively, we MUST be willing to accept the scientific consensus — or at the very least the data — even when doing so contradicts our most cherished, fundamental beliefs.  Such as “Our Congress is AWESOME!”

In keeping with the way I respond to the vast majority of missives the Palace receives from The Washington Post, I was about to unceremoniously delete it.  There is no more mainstream/establishment media than WaPo, and if I were somehow mystified, baffled and utterly confused as to the “information” that the mainstream/establishment media wished for me to “know,” I would have resurfaced from my fabulously well-appointed underground lair ages ago.  (Obviously.)

But for some reason that is completely inscrutable to me now, I actually clicked the link!  Yes, friends and enemies, here is the WaPo blurb that proved entirely too seductive, even for the Palace’s state-of-the-art defensive weaponry:

A new Washington Post-ABC News poll shows that a record 84 percent of Americans disapprove of the job Congress is doing, with almost two-thirds saying they “disapprove strongly.” Just 13 percent of Americans approve of how things are going after the 112th Congress’s first year of action, solidifying an unprecedented level of public disgust that has both sides worried about their positions less than 10 months before voters decide their fates.

I am sure loyal readers can readily identify the irresistible siren call lurking in those two sentences:  “13 percent of Americans approve of how things are going after the 112th Congress’s first year of action”!  Of course I had to know more about these people.  Who among you can blame me?

Unfortunately, the article proved to be unenlightening (to say the least).  I cannot recall ever having seen so much FAIL packed into a single piece at WaPo — or anywhere else.  I don’t know where to begin, so let’s start at the beginning:

A new Washington Post-ABC News poll shows that a record 84 percent of Americans disapprove of the job Congress is doing, with almost two-thirds saying they “disapprove strongly.”

Only two-thirds?   JEEZUS.  It makes me wonder about 33.33% of the people on my subway car.  (And not in a hawt way.)

Just 13 percent of Americans approve of how things are going after the 112th Congress’s first year of action, solidifying an unprecedented level of public disgust that has both sides worried about their positions less than 10 months before voters decide their fates.

No worries.  I’m sure they all “get it” now, and finally realize why the vast majority of the public is disgusted with Congress to the point of wretching at the mere mention of it.  These fine public servants are poised to change their behavior accordingly, and turn these abyssmal approval numbers around!

(Hahaha.  Sometimes I totally crack myself up.)

Lawmakers will return to Washington on Tuesday to begin an election-year work session with low expectations for any significant legislative action, while also receiving low approval ratings for themselves.

A new Washington Post-ABC News poll shows a new high — 84 percent of Americans — disapproving of the job Congress is doing, with almost two-thirds saying they “disapprove strongly.” Just 13 percent of Americans approve of how things are going after the 112th Congress’s first year of action, solidifying an unprecedented level of public disgust that has both sides worried about their positions less than 10 months before voters decide their fate

Again, no worries.  They’ll all just move further to the right.  Since conservative economic policy has been such a smashing success, we can expect to see more of it in an election year.  Surely an economic miracle is just around the corner, courtesy of the Free Market Faeries.  Have faith, people.  Have they ever let us down?  No.

It has been nearly four years since even 30 percent expressed approval of Congress, according to the Post-ABC survey, and support hasn’t recovered from the historic low it reached last fall.

Wow.  Put that way, 13% is a considerable improvement compared to 30%.  I guess Congress should just keep on doing whatever it is they’ve been doing, since it’s clearly a winning strategy.

In the face of the public dismay, House Republicans and Senate Democrats are fashioning less far-reaching agendas for the year ahead, in part to avoid the bitter political showdowns of 2011 and also to best position themselves for the fall elections.

By all means, yes.  “Less far-reaching agendas” are clearly in order.  Things are going so swimmingly well that 13% —  that’s THIRTEEN PERCENT, people!  — of our fellow citizens wholeheartedly approve.

Because of reelection politics, the second session for any Congress is traditionally less ambitious than the first because lawmakers are campaigning and therefore generally spend less time in Washington.

Call me crazy (and get in line!), but I’m not sure lawmakers spending less time in Washington is a bad thing.  At all.

This year’s legislative business, however, will take place in the shadow of $5 trillion in deficit reduction achieved through tax increases and spending cuts that are scheduled to take effect next Jan. 1.  The move was triggered by an unsuccessful effort by a congressional “supercommittee” last fall to reach a compromise on the federal deficit and expiring George W. Bush-era tax cuts.

That’s right, I forgot:  the Super Catfood Committee™ could not comprehend that (a) the federal deficit is The Most Ever Urgent Problem Ever That Our Nation Ever Has Ever Faced, Ever™, and (b) the Bush tax cuts are freaking awesome, and have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on (a).

Or, you know — not:

But whatever.  Making sense is soooooo…what, 1960s?

The expectation is that fiscal issues will again be the central battleground in the presidential and congressional elections.

Oh, yes, yes.  Of course.  “Fiscal issues” are The Most Ever Urgent Problem Ever That Our Nation Ever Has Ever Faced, Ever™.  Devastated everyday American citizens, who are reaping the whirlwind of foreclosures, unemployment and decades of wage stagnation, could not agree more.  “We are the 13%”!”

__________

You know what?  I was going to go through the whole thing.  But I’m bored.  This is like shooting fish in a barrel.  With a shotgun.

*yawn*

Frankly I could really use a cup of coffee right now.  Or a cocktail.  Hey, it’s after five o’clock somewhere, amirite?

By all means read the whole thing if you’ve got a strong stomach.  (And be sure not to miss the money quote from Senator Chuck “I Am Wall Street” Schumer!  It’s so… surprising!)

This entry was posted in Uncategorized by Iris Vander Pluym. Bookmark the permalink.

About Iris Vander Pluym

Iris Vander Pluym is an artist and activist in NYC (West Village), and an unapologetic, godless, feminist lefty. Raised to believe Nice Girls™ do not discuss politics, sex or religion, it turns out those are pretty much the only topics she ever wants to talk about.

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